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Marine Choregirl
20 posts
TOGA
75,000 Beli
Choregirl
Rookie Rank
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Post by Lily Karakuri on May 27, 2018 21:21:46 GMT -5
IPSys (Internal Pumping System) Category: Blunt Theme: Propulsion via water pressure Special Effect: Water Bonus: 25 m range bonus DESCRIPTION Lily's body is filled with a system of ballasts, pumps, and ports. Being an android who operates off of water as a fuel, she takes in fresh water (salt water rusts her intakes), and then expels it later in controlled bursts. To her, this is normal, much like her sisters do the same. This can be thought of as a loose form of Fishman Karate mixed with Jiujitsu, but it has nowhere near the control that those have, rather, it simply takes inspiration from it. Rookie Style: Lily has not accessed permission to use her water pumping system yet. Instead, she fights like any normal person would, with their body and their weapon. Light bursts of water can be used to move her around more fluidly, but cannot be used for combat purposes yet. Junior Style: Lily can expel water around with short jets of the stuff from her hands and feet, even her hammer equivalent to throwing a bucket of water at someone. These jets of water are a hint to her elemental style. Journeyman Style: Lily can now access the pumping system in her elbows and knees, taking in or expelling water from them. Doing this, allows her more acrobatic movements and quicker reflexes by performing feats such as shooting water out of he elbow to swing her arms faster. Expert Style: Lily's water system can be used from any joint along with her hammer. Her system has been used to such a degree that it can compensate for quick and prolonged use without repercussions. Master Style: Lily can fire water similar to fishman jiujitsu at this point, using it to propel herself, or target people at range. Water attacks from her can be equatable to shooting small short bursts similar in appearance to rivers. |
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The Pirate King
235 posts
Monkey Boy
Unknown Beli
Unknown Bounty
Master Rank
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Post by Admin on May 28, 2018 18:19:28 GMT -5
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Post by Hina on Jun 29, 2018 19:35:04 GMT -5
Review Purposes only, no final calls.
Firstly the formality, that "Element" has been rebranded to "Special Effect" to more accurately resemble what that section can be. Water still works under the new brand, functionally nothing changes.
Description of style ranks overall seem good. Though kinda missing the specific explanation of the special effect at the ranks of Junior and Journeyman. From the Bonus i can guess that the application of the water Special Effect could be shooting water as ranged attacks directly instead of using it as propulsion, for example.
Conversely, special forms shouldn't usually be included in ranks. If the ranks are describing how the water pumping system expands over time, any specific applications of it should be left to moves and/or forms as the special form you're describing sounds like a form more so then a base aspect of the style and it's capabilities.
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Post by Hina on Jul 2, 2018 12:20:47 GMT -5
Much cleaner looking now. Obtain full grading from qualified personnel.
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94 posts
Hihyō Hihyō no Mi
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Post by Zadi on Jul 2, 2018 16:35:30 GMT -5
Bonus - Everyone is capable of attacking from range using melee after a certain rank is reached as long as the ranged-melee makes sense. Therefore this bonus needs to change; since you want range, I suggest an extra 25 meters of range in general. Obviously this extra range is only able to apply to moves capable of making use of long range.
Rookie - This level doesn't allow for special effects at all, so take out the parts talking about water propulsion.
Junior - Tiny special effects are possible at this level, so no "blasts" and no propulsion. As mentioned within the Progression System - "sparks, splashes, etc" are possible at this level. You can drench stuff with water like throwing a bucket, but anymore is the next level.
Journeyman - This is fine...oddly enough.
Expert - "At this point, she naturally refills water through air moisture, but at a small amount." Nope, I am not allowing this; take that part out. Just because "it makes sense" doesn't means it's for good balance.
Master - Again, take out the part about refilling. You must refill like every other robot/cyborg.
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94 posts
Hihyō Hihyō no Mi
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Post by Zadi on Jul 2, 2018 19:31:54 GMT -5
Junior - This sounds even stronger than last time. Remember - Junior level is equal to splashing a bucket of water for various effects, not propulsion.
Everything Else - Looks good. Though I should have mentioned earlier - doesn't matter where the water comes from at any of the levels; how much water comes out and how the water is used distinguishes the levels.
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94 posts
Hihyō Hihyō no Mi
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Post by Zadi on Jul 2, 2018 19:44:31 GMT -5
I assume the "short jets" at Junior are the equivalent to a garden hose's strength.
Approved.
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